it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
