Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
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I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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