wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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