Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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