did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
