I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
