Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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