dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
