yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
