Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
