In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My bed smells like the plague
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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