ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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