I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
