put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
