??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
