Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
