glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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