Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
