So drunk its hurt
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
