Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
