is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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