Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize