airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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