i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
