Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
two words: eviction party
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
