Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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