I'm eating all of the evidence.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
