I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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