How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
