Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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