I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
