If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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