the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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