It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
