Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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