it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
