Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
