So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
