She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
