Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
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All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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