That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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