I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
