I got chris browned last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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