what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
