I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
