As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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