somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
