You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
