ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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