I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Less talking, more tequila
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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