Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
