My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
