I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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