Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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