Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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