you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
