i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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