I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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