whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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